i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
