I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
