idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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