another moral hangover. fuck.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
