DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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