The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
