How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life