Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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