I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
