I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.