pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate