just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.