my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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