there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs