I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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