Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
