it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
