I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
