What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
