areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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