i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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