did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
