He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
