I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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