I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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