Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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