stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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