I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
