dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Enjoy the penises
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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