whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
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