My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
