Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
