Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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