My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
