On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
