He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
