Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I could make wine with my vomit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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