THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
