did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
