Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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