Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
