I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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