it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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