a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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