I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
