Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
