At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
