i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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