Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
