Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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