I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I want is dick and wine.
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