margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
