So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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