Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you inspire me to be a worse person
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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