So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
