come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
