its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
