i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
