so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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