I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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