His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
