you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
