You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
