I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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