Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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