She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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