let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
