Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just cropdusted the office
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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