I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
