Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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