I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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