I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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