Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
