I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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