so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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