First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
