this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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