We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
